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"I have most of your books Beverley... Thankyou for your unending support for homeschoolers ... by sharing your experiences,
we are into our third year of homeschooling and enjoying it thoroughly." Marina
"Thank you for your generosity in helping me to make a start in my homeschool adventure. The information you supply is
real and generous -
fantastic reading. I am so inspired... Your honesty is so rare. Most books do not really explain "how" as well as you do." Tracy
© Beverley Paine, 2005
I made all the usual 'mistakes' as a parent and knew nothing about attachment parenting, or non-coersive parenting and only came across TCC when my eldest was nearly 5 and I was pregnant with my third child... The kids turned out all right though and I thoroughly recommend regularly apologising to your kids and explaining your ignorance and learning process as you go along!
I ditched notions of 'good' and 'bad' altogether and adopted the more sensible approach of considering behaviour and situations as 'appropriate' and 'not appropriate'. I hate the value/moral judgement that comes from using 'good' and 'bad'. I think John Holt once wrote about the uselessness of the word 'good' - just exactly what does it mean? Try defining it... it depends heavily on context, which means that people have to more or less guess what you're getting at. Those two words seem to invoke shame more than any other words in our language! I'm not a fan of shame.
'Appropriate' tends to look at behaviour in a matter of fact way - does this behaviour achieve the desired results? Then we start looking at motivation and goals, and actions in the light of what we need and want, from ourselves, the situation and others. It dampens the emotion by applying rational thought - action instead of reaction.
I even stopped using the terms 'negative' and 'positive', which were buzz words when my childrne were young, and started using 'constructive' and 'destructive' as these words clearly conveyed exactly what I wanted. An action or behaviour is very clearly constructive - it builds - or destructive, or destroys. This could be building friendship, community, happy feelings, desired outcomes, anything that will help us reach our eventual goals; or destroying friendship, producing unhappy or hurt feelings, breaking belongings, moving us further from our goals...
It took a lot of reprogramming for me to change my inner and outer dialogue but the more I persisted in changing the language I used the quicker my behaviour and attitudes changed. I was patient with myself. I see life as a learning journey full of 'learning opportunities' - something I used to call 'mistakes'! Learning is about having a go, making approximations, slowly adjusting our actions to gradually produce the desired outcome. Somewhere along the line this process became fixated on getting it 'right' (whatever that means!) the first time. We were then made to feel ashamed for not learning in a fast and furious manner, or for not being 'perfect' (whatever that means!).
I blame school, of course! But blaming isn't an appropriate (in this case useful or constructive) action...
As a homeschooling parent you have the opportunity to create a positive and constructive atmosphere in your 'classroom' every day of the year. You can chose to not have 'mistakes' and call them 'learning opportunities' instead. You can do away with the need to 'correct' and 'guide' instead. 'Incorrect' becomes 'an estimation' or 'try'. Copying and guessing are allowed as legitimate learning tools.
Changing the way we use language and tweaking our attitudes as teachers can eliminate most of the shame, embarrassment and hence fear from learning.
Please note: the information
on this website is of a general
nature only and is not intended as
personal or professional advice.
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Pioneering members of the home education movement in Australia,
Beverley and Robin Paine
are passionate advocates of true educational choice for families.
They began homeschooling in 1986 and three years later started the
South Australian Home Based Learners
network. Beverley continues to write for homeschooling newsletters
and magazines as well as hosting several websites dedicated to promoting
and supporting home education in Australia. Her aim is to demystify the
education process and make it accessible to all parents. Enjoy Beverley's
wealth of practical knowledge, homeschooling and unschooling tips and
ideas through articles and books and online at
www.homeschoolaustralia.com.
Since the late 1990s Robin and Beverley have been building their home education
publishing business - Always Learning Books - from home with the help of their son Thomas.
Please note that the opinions and articles included in the suite of Homeschool Australia websites are not necessarily those of Beverley and Robin Paine, nor do we endorse or necessarily recommend products (other than our own) listed in contributed articles, pages, or advertisements.
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