Homeschool Australia Will homeschooling always be this be fun? What about finding time for me? What will my friends think?

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Will homeschooling always be this be fun? What about finding time for me? What will my friends think? ...and other questions

© Beverley Paine

The following questions came up on the Homeschool Australia FAQ group today:

I can see us homeschooling and really enjoying it. Actually I'm really excited at the prospect and think it will be lots of fun...am I being realistic?

Absolutely! What's happening is that you are flying high on a positive attitude. Everything becomes possible when we adopt that attitude!

Homeschooling WILL be lots of fun, but it won't ALWAYS be lots of fun. There are going to be some very bleak days too. If you read my various articles on burn out and avoiding becoming overwhelmed on the Homeschool Australia website, and there are dozens if not hundreds of articles on this subject out there on internet homeschooling land, and follow the advice then you'll minimise the incidents of the not-so-fun days.)

You're going to be beset by incredible self-doubt, worry that you're harming your kids, feeling like you're letting the team down by not earning money... There will be times when life conspires against you and it all looks way too hard. We've all been there. It's not fun at all, but it's life and those pesky kids actually turn out to be our best friends. I've always worked hard to put my relationship with my family - Robin and the children - first by asking 'what's most important?' It's easy to choose what to do when framed by that question. We kept life simple and cheap in those early years and I'm sure it helped avoid a lot of the typical teenage turbulence most families endure.

There's a good chance you'll find yourself picking up this resource and then that one, rarely satisfied for long. You're going to spend lots of time thinking that what you're doing with your children is inadequate. You'll be tempted to cram in as much as you can - buy resources you won't use, take the kids places they're not interested in, spend hours organising elaborate unit studies only to have your plans waylaid by injured dogs, sick children, visitors, and lots more!

Homeschooling isn't a lot different from parenting, and we all know what that entails!

I have to say it WAS nice to have the house to myself for about an hour (once I got back from grocery shopping and general errands). No kids or husband... Will I ever get this scenario if I homeschool?

You will need to make time and arrange your life so that you will. It is hard for some of us, especially those with children with special learning or care needs. For most of us though it just takes self-discipline and a committment to our own personal health.

I set up our environment so I could work at my hobby (writing) with the children playing or working nearby. A couple of my friends habitually got up early every morning - one to work on her writing and the other to go running. Some other friends set up playdates for their children - a kind of mutual babysitting service, like an informal cooperative. Another friend's husband took over care of the kids after dinner and she was able to spend a couple of hours uninterrupted on whatever she wanted every night.

Most of us include the children in the daily chores and this frees up time to have more fun. But the trick is NEVER TAKE ON TOO MUCH! Keep your enthusiasm at a sensible level. Your children don't have to be directed all day long. An hour here and there is usually enough. Any more than this and you'll stop being mum, you'll end up playing teacher/entertainer!

Is it just a typical motherhood guilt trip thing to feel bad about enjoying time alone?

Yes and No. Since childhood we've been bombarded with the message via parents, schools, friends and especially all types of media that being alone means there's something wrong with you. Spend too much time enjoying being alone and you're classified as pyschologically withdrawn, or shy, or in need of social stimulation or reprogramming of some sort! The best people are the most popular, the most busy, chatty people... It's easy to feel bad about anything the way we've all been brought up. Motherhood is chock-a-block full of guilt triggers. Combat them with affirmations. Pretend you are your child - what would you say to him/her if he said "I feel bad about enjoying time alone?". Mother yourself and all will be well!

I can't see any "me-time" in a hs future - but is the "me-time" concept just silly or is it really necessary?

"Me" time is always necessary and we'll take it one way or another. Much better to spend me time doing something me likes. It's all too easy to lock oneself in the bathroom with the scrubbing brush where you know no one is going to bug you, or spend an afternoon on the bed, totally wiped, but all alone... Doesn't often happen though. Homeschooling kids know mum's there, ready to look enthused at whatever bug, drawing, whatever they bounce through the door with. It's what we do. Who we are.

I spent lots of time when the children were young lost in depression. This made the moments together all the more special. It's probably why I chose to have them around when I did my 'things', writing and gardening. But even so I made sure that my needs were met: I organised our life so that Robin would look after the kids when I wanted to do a class, or a course. Living in the country meant friends and family weren't handy to babysit and that did restrict our activities a bit, but it suited us. Life is about compromise, making the best out of what we have.

How have people found reactions to the decision to hs from friends who already have their kids in school or plan to send them?

We all feel the need to enthuse about our new passion in life. I remember my best friend waxing lyrical about the joys of single parenting after a not-so amicable split from her ex, especially when she fell in love with a tall, handsome fella... Robin and I found it all too much and began avoiding her company. We'd only been married four or five years and were very much in love. I used to ear-bash my friends about anti-nuclear stuff when a member for People for Peace, tried to convince everyone to become Trees For Life members, wouldn't eat anything unless it was organic and dairy free (I was a real pain to cater for at dinner parties!).

Homeschooling, however, was something I didn't tell many people about. It was too 'out there'. Most people assumed we were feral hippies when they found out, or totally ignored the fact and kept asking the kids about school... I think some of them thought that we were doing school at home, as in correspondence lessons. In a small country town dependent on student enrollments for school staff positions you don't talk about homeschooling - it's considered anti-community.

It wasn't uncommon for people to feel that my lifestyle was a criticism of their's. These meant a defensive reaction whereas they may have been open to the idea. I learned to preface conversations about homeschooling with "in my experience only weird parents homeschool - we're a bunch of overprotective paranoid parents who are totally besotted with their kids and love spending every minute of every day with them". That convinced them we were weird, not normal and pretty well summed up the whole homeschooling thing at the same time. They were mostly relieved that they didn't have to homeschool to prove that they were adequate parents. Another line I used to give was "I went to school and I'm okay, I just want to try something different with my kids. If it doesn't work out they'll go to school." That always seemed to reassure and shut up the more antagonist, argumentative friends, family and strangers.

If someone asks me "why?" and I tell them I don't agree with school, forced learning etc... aren't I indirectly critizing them?

We generally don't talk politics or football with people: homeschooling is another one of those topics. People can get fired about education, especially those that lean to the left and believe fervently in the role of public education as a socialising mechanism in society. I wouldn't debate the finer points of rugby union in an AFL dominated room!

Besides, you're not directly criticising them - they are taking what you say as criticism. There's a difference. But if you go on and on, then you'll be seen to pushing your point too far, and that begins to look like you disapprove of their choices. It's not about approving or disapproving; it's about validating that everyone has the responsibility to work out what's best for them and their family situation.

On one hand I want to tell everyone I'm going to homeschool, so I dont' have to listen to all the agonizing conversations about preparations for school, but am also a bit wary of offending people somehow?

Join in the conversations. Chat about YOUR preparations for homeschool. Talk about the excursions and camps you're planning on going on, the projects you'll be helping your kids with, how you're organising their portfolios, music and karate lessons and so on. You won't be hanging out at the canteen but you're talking to your children about them helping out with you when you volunteer as a Meals on Wheels driver... Talk about shopping for text books, stationery, telescopes... Ace 'em!

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